counting days

salam.

it has been a while that i have posted a blog.eikk. now im wondering whether i can keep up with it. but hey! at least im trying.

reason for me neglecting this blog, or shall i say, not having time to update it, is because i have been damn busy doing all the preparation to fly. to fly. fuhh, the word 'fly' seems so surreal to me. you know, its like you have been dreaming, n wanting something so badly,not to forget, imagining you having it everyday and you work like mad for it, and suddenly when you get it, u feel like you need a slap.reality check, is this for real??

initially, i was sooooo exhilarated to go. because after all, it was what i wanted for a really long time.but now that im so close to leaving, im having a mixture of feelings. i dont know what it is, i just cant explain it in words.

all this while, whenever umi or abai(my grandma) gets nearly in tears, i will be super strong, joking around, telling them like 'lepak la".haha.acting as if im super duper hati batu. what they dont know is that im holding back. i dont want to cry in front of them, because if they see that im sad, they will be worried.and i wont like that, ever. i want them to know that im happy that im pursuing my dream.

now,u'll be thinking. "gosh,this is one pampered kid." but hey, let me correct you, not manja, just di sayangi. haha. i guess when you have been living in a house where your mum is always there ever since you were born, you'll become attached to ur home, especially ur mum.

and you know, when i went for jehan's kenduri, nik told me she might not be able to send me off at the airport. guess what happened?? i instantly cried! malu je. haha. i dont know why, when i looked at nik's face, i just knew i'll miss her.like really a lot. she's that special person that have been beside me all this while, through my ups and downs, shared joy, fear, and tears. she's the one that i can talk to about everything! seriously every single thing.10 years wei! crazy rite?

and that night, i wanted so badly to talk to her about what im feeling to leave. so i pulled her aside to talk to her privately, but there were just too many ppl around us,so we didnt. thank god when i went home, nik called so we talked. for a reli long time.just like the old days.
we discussed about all sort of random topics.haha. hey wait, talking about "bergayut", it made me realise something.

for most ppl out there, the first ever person that they 'gayut' with is most likely their crush or someone of the opposite sex but mine is NIK!
ahahha..controversi tul la.haha

and oh yes, yesterday, i saw a picture of love. of true love.

after zuhur prayers, walid decided that since i dont have enough time to do a proper kenduri doa selamat, the whole family should pray for my safety. so they all (the whole family including my grandparents) prayed together, recited the quran n then 'doa' for me.
i was so flattered when they did all this especially for me,and also for the fact that even though shah was supposed to go out with his friend, he delayed his outing so that he can join my family as well.
that image of all of them saying the doa together is a picture of love.
i swear that it is a picture that will remain in my mind n my heart for as long as i live.

looking at how hopeful they were that i went n came back safely along with success, i made a vow to myself, im gonna do my very best.be focused and never let them down. insyaAllah.

n yeah, countdown~

9 more days to go